Babies!

I quit my job at the restaurant. It was too stressful. I don’t want to work in a job that is more stressful than my school work. Its not worth it. I’d rather be broke and studying to get into Med school than stressed out from a job that pays decently. By decently I mean it doesn’t require a degree yet pays above minimum wage. I don’t know why, but now that I’ve quit, I’m petrified that something’s going to happen to me because of it. Its silly but I’m so scared that they are going to call and do something horrible to me. I’ve never quit like this before so that’s probably why but its extremely disconcerting.

The stress was not from the duties of the job but the people I work with. I shouldn’t have to work in an environment that scares me. I was so uncomfortable with most of the people (with the exception of one of the servers) that I just can’t see myself continuing to work there. I don’t want to surround myself with people like that. Maybe its my bible study rubbing off on me but I’m beginning to agree that the people you associate with influence who you are. I don’t want to be around people who don’t have the same values I do. I’m not saying you have to be Catholic in order to be my friend and associate but I’m saying that you have to have a respect for life and a respect for other people. Disrespect is one of my biggest pet peeves and though I know I’m guilty of it at times, I always try to be as respectful as I possibly can be. However, a blatant disrespect for life I cannot tolerate. For instance, one of the servers at the restaurant is pregnant and was talking about drinking while she’s pregnant. That is extremely disrespectful in my opinion. She is being disrespectful to the life she is carrying. I didn’t know what to say. I feel like if I say nothing, I’m condoning that kind of behavior yet if I say something she’ll get upset with me and I have to work with her, well I used to have to work with her. I made some comments regarding the development of her baby (9 weeks- heart starts beating, 10 weeks – toes are formed) and hoped that she would get the idea and either stop talking about it to me or stop drinking. Hopefully she stops drinking.

I guess a part of my objection to her behavior is because I’m so looking forward to having children of my own that I can’t imagine anyone doing anything to jeopardize that. It boggles my mind that people couldn’t care less about their pregnancy. I would be so ecstatic to be pregnant that I would be so scared of doing things wrong. I was talking to a speech therapist and she said that drinking when you’re pregnant is one of the biggest contributing causes to her students. She teaches kids to talk who have speech development issues. Knowing that, how could I drink when I’m pregnant? I realize not everyone knows that little fact but lots of people do know that its detrimental to the development of the fetus. It only makes sense. Its common knowledge that drinking kills brain cells in adults. So if you’re pregnant and you’re drinking, wouldn’t it make sense that alcohol would affect the development of the baby in your belly? Your blood is their blood for several months, pretty much until the end. Your food is their food. If you eat something healthy, they get the nutrients too. If you eat junk food, they eat junk food too. Would you feed a baby a rum and coke? A beer? No, so why do it while they are in your belly? Can’t you make the sacrifice of being alcohol free for nine months? And if you’re a heavy drinker and didn’t know you were pregnant until a month or two after conception its only seven or eight months. Is that too much to ask for your baby?

On other subjects, I finished the book I wanted to finish. I finished it while I was at Potters and still had two and a half hours of work left. I ended up cleaning lots of different things. I swept the floor. I cleaned the paint shelf. I wiped down the paint bottles. I washed stamps. Right before four o’clock, when I was going to leave because it was dead, we got a shipment in so I started un-packing things. Then at 4:15 a little boy and his aunt/sister (I’m not sure which) came in and wanted to paint. I agreed because I was going to be unpacking boxes anyway as long as they got out of there before five. They did. They painted a plaque for his mom’s birthday. It was really sweet. I’m so glad I’m not quitting Potters. I really like working there. I would have missed it a lot if I stopped working there.

New Jobs blackout

I’m trying to be superwoman. I think its actually working out well. I’ve been working on the den remodel for our foreign exchange student who is coming in August and I think I’m doing pretty good. My goal was to work on it for at least an hour a day. I’ve made pretty good progress. All of the wallpaper is off the walls. Most of the chair-rail is off the wall. The next step is to remove the crown molding and then to mask off the floorboards to we can texture and paint the walls. Mom is really stressed out about life in general and I don’t know what to do about it. Its pretty intense when she gets this way but I’m trying to be helpful by doing most of the remodeling for her. That way, she doesn’t have to worry about it as much. It doesn’t help that she works ten hour days. She needs to work fewer hours but there isn’t much she can do about it. I’ve offered to work in the mornings for her but she hasn’t accepted as of yet. Maybe I can work afternoons for her once I’ve started classes so she can have time to come home and do other things. That would work because she doesn’t have to do things during the afternoon in the summers.

(I have been edited)

My biology class starts on the 9th of June and I’m really looking forward to it. I know it will basically be a review of what I learned in Cell and Molec. Biology at Coe (because its using the same book) but its pretty much been four years since I took that class so it will be nice to have a refresher. Probably I should be reviewing and reading through the chemistry I’ve already covered as well so it will stay fresh for my chemistry class in the fall and more established in my brain for the MCAT next spring but I can’t really motivate myself to do that yet. Mostly because my desk in my room is so cluttered that I can’t justify adding anything more to it, like a chemistry book. I need to work on organizing my room but I’ve just got so much stuff and I can’t seem to throw anything away. I was pretty good around Easter, throwing things away that I wasn’t going to use anymore but now I’m back to the point where I don’t know if I’m going to use it again or not so I don’t want to throw it out in case I need it. I know that’s a bad policy. All of the organizing shows I’ve watched say, if you don’t need it in the foreseeable future then throw it out. You can always buy another one (of whatever it is.) But most of it is sentimental. I don’t want to throw away things with positive memories attached to them. So I throw it into a desk or a drawer and only open the drawer when I can’t find something specific, run across the sentimental thing, then spend fifteen minutes looking through the drawer, enjoying the memories and completely forgetting about what I was looking for in the first place.

I’m working on a book right now, (The Dragonbone Chair) that I’ve been working on since before I moved home. I can’t believe I’m still working on the same book. It is taking me so long to get through this book! Seriously, while its 750+ pages, that usually only takes me about a week or two. I’m going on three weeks! Partly that is because I only get a few minutes here and there and I haven’t been reading at night before I go to sleep but now I’ve been trying to do that and its going faster. A month spent on the same book is a little ridiculous so I’ve made it my goal to finish the book before the beginning of next week. Shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve got a few hours scheduled just for reading during today and tomorrow and I’ve got less than 200 pages left to go. Of course, at the rate I’ve been going, its going to take me all of the time I can muster to do it.

Job search

I’ve been a slacker this week, mostly because I’m trying really hard to get into a routine at home and I’m still working on getting everything back in. I don’t really want to wake up any earlier but I might have to. Probably I’ll end up getting up at 6:30 every morning so I can work out and shower and still have time to drive Hillary to school. An hour and a half is plenty of time for me to get my morning routine accomplished. I’m trying to figure out, though, if I can get up later and still get it accomplished. Probably, if I get up and work out at 7:15, I can eat breakfast, drive Hillary to school, then come back and shower. That should work out all right. I can’t do it tomorrow because I’m working at 7am for Kristi but I’ll see if it works for Friday. I’ve just got to get myself motivated to get up and work out. I’ll have to do it either in my room or in the basement because Mom and Dad have the news on when they are here. Probably, at 7:15, though, they will both have left for work so I can probably use the living room TV. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m trying to find a job because my Pearson scoring job fell through. I’m hoping to get a job as a waitress at a restaurant either in North Liberty or on the north edge of Iowa City. I’ve got an application to Eggy’s on 965 in North Liberty and all I have to do is turn it in. I’ve also got an application to Bob’s Your Uncle on North Dodge St which is only about 10 minutes away and I’m supposed to hand in my application in person to the owner so it gives me hope that it will be a hit. I’ve asked Mom to pray for me and I’m praying for me to get a job that will work for the next few months. Hopefully I’ll find something by Friday. That is my goal, is to find a job by Friday. I know, it might be unrealistic, what with the economy as it is but the power of prayer, right?

I’ve been really bored at home lately because there’s nobody here. I’m not used to being by myself so much. Mom wants me to clean so I’ve been doing that this morning, plus I’m doing laundry because I need to but there’s only so much cleaning I can do because there are piles of stuff that I don’t know what to do with because their aren’t mine. Hillary’s stuff I’ve been putting in her room but Mom and Dad’s papers and mail and stuff I’m just not sure what to do with. What needs to happen is them going through their stuff and having a designated pile and getting rid of anything that doesn’t need to be kept. I’ll admit, I’m just as prone to piles but I’m trying to get organized and get better about hiding my piles. I’ve got two junk drawers and a box for papers and school stuff. Right now all I’ve left to find a place for is my shoe basket. Probably I will end up putting it in my closet but I need to get tubs to put my kitchen stuff and bedding in and in the back of the closet before I plug up the front of the closet.

I’m not stressing about not having a job right now because I’m not really in desperate need of money. In reality I’m pretty broke, but all I’ve got is netflix and my target bill to pay. When I get my Potter’s Obsession paycheck this weekend I’ll be able to make a payment on my target bill and then I’ll be set for the rest of May. My school loans, I’m pretty sure, have been deferred and all I really need money for is to buy my books for my class this summer. I’m not sure exactly where to find out what books I need but probably there is a bookstore somewhere that I can find the information at. Mom and Dad paid for my plane ticket to Colorado so I’ve got to pay them back sometime but I’ll get there eventually. If I get a job as a waitress, hopefully I’ll get good enough tips that I’ll be able to pay them back fairly quickly. I don’t want to make them pay for things and not get paid back quickly because I know they don’t have a lot of money to spare right now, especially with the van going on the fritz with the air conditioning and the check engine light coming on and off intermittently.

I can’t find anywhere that lists what books I’ll need for the classes I’m signed up for. I can’t even find the bookstore website, assuming they have one. Its annoying. I’d like to try to get my books cheaper if possible but it looks like I might have to pay the exorbitant bookstore prices if I can’t find something soon.

Packing

I think its really sad that I can’t sleep in past 8:30 in the morning. I’ve been up for over an hour now and while Ashley got up and ate breakfast and has left to work out, she got up after me. As far as I know, Lori and Amanda aren’t up either, unless they’re in their room watching TV, which is entirely possible. Either way, I feel like I’ve gotten up way earlier than I needed to. I’ve already showered, too. I also read over a chapter in my book. I’ve packed some more, put together my presents for my roommates, and contemplated doing the dishes. We have so many of them. Again. I’m trying to decide if its my turn to do them. I can’t remember, but I doubt it. Besides, I’ve got to start packing my dishes. I need to get things pretty much ready to go so I can be set for when Adam comes tomorrow. Hopefully all I will need him for is the heavy lifting (my TV) and generally moving. The more people carrying things out, the faster it will go.

We watched Bed Knobs and Broomsticks last night. Amanda and Ashley had never seen it and I’d thought I’d seen it all but there were parts that I definitely didn’t remember seeing so I must have only seen enough bits and pieces to put together the storyline. I really enjoyed it. Ashley really liked it too, though it was kind of long. Its almost two and half hours! A Disney movie! That is excessively long for Disney movies, which are usually an hour and a half to an hour and forty five minutes. A Disney movie this long is unusual but I didn’t notice the length really until the end when I was getting really tired. Still, it’s probably one of my favorite Disney movies, though it doesn’t have some of my favorite songs. I still enjoyed it. I have this secret future fantasy that my children will love Disney just as much as I do and will obsess over watching all of them and knowing all they can. Actually, I will be happy if they enjoy watching them. The old classic ones that is. Not the new Disney/Pixar ones because I don’t think they are as good as the classic Disney movies like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, even Sword in the Stone and The Fox and the Hound. There’s something about these classic Disney animations that make them extremely lovable. The new ones don’t seem as lovable and cute. Probably because they weren’t a memorable part of my childhood, but I still enjoy watching the classic ones, so why are the new ones less memorable to me? I think they have less singing and dancing segments. The songs are more incorporated into the background, rather than the characters themselves singing. Its also probably why I liked Enchanted so much, because the main character sang her own songs.

I kind of want to move home now. I feel like I’m waiting to get things done, when I could do them right now. If it weren’t for lunch with the Writing Center seniors at 11:30 I’d probably say screw it and move out today rather than tomorrow. Instead, I’ve got to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while I wait for time to pass so I can move out. I could get everything done now so I wouldn’t have to worry about it later but then I’d be sitting in a mostly bare apartment and that would be kind of depressing. I don’t want to be depressed. I’m resisting taking down my posters until the last minute because that will make things seem the most bare and empty. I’ve gotten used to seeing them, if even out of my periphery and to have them down yet still being in the room would be almost intimidating. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to put any of them up in my room at home. I’m tempted to put none of them up and just revel in the pink walls of my room but I’ve got so many, it would be a shame not to use any of them. I’ve got eight full size posters, and four long skinny posters and several smaller ones. One is a dance poster with pink trim that would actually look pretty good in my room but its not of a pose that I particularly enjoy. Hillary stole the one dance poster that I really loved and I don’t have the heart to take it back from her, especially since she’s still dancing and I’m not. All of my posters will not fit in my room so I’d have to make some sacrifices as it is. I’m thinking that some of them would actually look pretty good in the hallway on the way up to my room. I could also do an homage to Gone with the Wind since I have two posters on that movie. That could be really nice, especially next to the corner where I’m going to put the TV and DVDs. Probably I will use those and the long skinny one of a guy and girl in Italy, kissing on a wharf.

Shopping

Lori and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings last night for Tom Bredfield’s birthday/graduation party. It was fun and interesting and I felt really out of place because the only reason I was there was because of Lori. I don’t really hang out with Tom at all and I felt bad because he was buying everything. (Actually, I think his parents were paying him back but still.) We ended up doing some errand running, going to Target, David’s Bridal, and Blockbuster to rent movies so we have something to do between now and graduation. Last night we watched Last Chance Harvey with Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. It was really cute. I really enjoyed watching it. It was a romantic comedy sort of but not in the pop culture Hollywood style bells and whistles sort of romantic comedy but a sweet romantic comedy about two people who find each other and enjoy each other’s company. I really liked it but I’m not sure I would buy it. It’s not one of those movies that you buy and watch over and over. Its something you rent every now and then and enjoy, with long spaces between viewings. We also rented Changeling and Slumdog Millionaire so we’ll watch those sometime today and tomorrow.

I feel like this week is going by really slowly. I want it to be Friday already and it just isn’t working out. It keeps taking forever to get there. Technically, I have two finals today, one at 2pm (Color critique) and one at 7pm (Advanced Art critique—not my stuff). So I’m just twiddling my thumbs for the rest of the week really. I’m going to go shopping as soon as I’m done in the writing center. Actually, I could probably go now if I wanted to but the mall isn’t open and I can’t think of anywhere else I could go to get the stuff I want. Probably I could go to the dollar store. That would be a good place to go and get stuff for gift bag stuff. Actually, the idea I had in mind is probably not going to be financially feasible anymore. I realized that my brain was getting a little too creative and if I put together the gift bags the way I wanted to, it would be at least $30 a person and I don’t have that kind of money to spend. So, it will probably be something a little smaller. Maybe I’ll find something when I’m shopping that will scream all three of them and I can get a different kind for each person. I got the impression that its not to be something expensive anyway which is good. I’ll just have to browse around a little. If I can’t find something today, there’s always tomorrow morning as well.

I felt really bad because Mom wanted me to work for her on Friday so she can go hear Hillary sing but I can’t because I have to work at Potter’s, 4-8. Actually, I would have loved to go hear Hillary sing as well but I can’t. Besides I need the money for working at Potter’s. I can’t afford to not work right now. At least, not until I either accept the job at Pearson’s or get one at a nursing home so they’ll pay for me to get my CNA. I still feel really badly about it, though. I wish I could help. I hope she can find someone to work for her so she can go. It would suck if she couldn’t go because its so far away. It’s in Grinnell. That is farther than Solon has ever had to go to get to Large Group contest. I wonder how it works out this way this year. Usually its in Tipton or West Liberty, somewhere semi-close, that doesn’t require over an hours worth of driving one way. I’ll just have to pray that she finds someone to work for her.

I forgot completely that I won’t be at Bible study tomorrow night because we’ve got a senior dinner first and then Amanda wants to go out again. I’m all for going to the Piano Lounge but I don’t really want to go to a “club” because its just not me. The dancing is fun for a little while but when strange guys come up to you and start dancing with you it gets old real fast. I’ll go on Thursday but I hope we don’t end up staying long. The Piano Lounge is much more my style and I’d be much happier doing that then going to a club. Besides, I’d spend less money because Piano Lounge has half price drinks on Thursdays.

Worth Less

I took my chemistry final this morning. It wasn’t that difficult. I’ll probably get an A or a B+ at the worst. I’m excited that my school work is over until this summer. I don’t have much to do for the rest of the week so I’m trying to figure out what I should do now. I’ll probably end up sprawled in front of the tv, watching Desperate Housewives but I could be doing something productive. We’re doing a gift exchange sort of thing between roommates for the end of the year and I’ve no idea what I’m going to get anybody. I was going to get Lori the cups that I gave her for her bridal shower but I wasn’t paying attention to the fact that I’d already have gotten her the cups. Now I’ve got to think of something else. I could do a general gift thing. If I was thinking, I would have been on top of things and made something at Potter’s but I wasn’t thinking and now its too late. I could still do something crafty, though, if I went to Michael’s and had a look around. I’m sure I could come up with something. Also, surprise baskets are my favorite thing ever, especially when they are well thought out. Maybe I will contemplate ideas for a gift basket for each of them. That would be really fun, plus I think it would be really fun to receive as well.

What do I know about each of my roommates? What can I get them that they will appreciate? Ashley likes bananas and doesn’t like vegetables. Amanda likes “ghetto” music and doesn’t like physical contact. Lori is getting married in July and hates the color red. Not a lot of help for a gift basket. Maybe I’ll cruise the mall and Wal-mart and Target and pick up odds and ends and make a fun surprise thing. That would be really fun. Socks. Socks are always fun, too. And a picture frame. But maybe not. Who knows what I’ll find.

The only thing I have left to do is my color critique tomorrow and AAR tomorrow evening. Thursday I’ve got two meals already planned (both senior meals) and Friday I’m moving home because there’s no time on Saturday to do it. I’m going to have much more free time than I think because even this afternoon, I’ve got nothing to do. Maybe I’ll go shopping for the surprise basket/bag/thing and see what I can find.

I’m slightly obsessed with a mug that Lori and I found at the Hallmark store in the mall. Its by a cartoon called Hoops and Yoyo and sings a song that some people might find annoying but I find intensely amusing. I’m tempted to buy it but I’m still slightly broke right now so probably I won’t, since its fifteen dollars and I can’t really afford to spend that much money on a coffee mug, plus books take priority over frivolous things. (Yes, I realize that books could also be considered frivolous but not to me. You should know that by now.)

I had several epiphanies yesterday. Most of them were involving chemistry problems of relatively low importance but the other was when I was praying my rosary, I prayed for God to bring me to the right guy, right now. Then I realized: I’m happy right now. I don’t need a guy. I’m just fine with where my life is right now. I’ve got friends and family, a purpose, and a means of achieving that purpose. The right guy will show up when he shows up and that isn’t right now. If it is right now, then it’s the right time and I’ll go with the flow. Since I haven’t met anyone and I doubt I’ll meet anyone here at Coe, I’m pretty sure now is not the right time. Besides, I’m going to be very busy from now on, with getting my CNA and OMT (oral medicine technician) and with classes so I’m not really going to have much time to focus on a social life, even less a boyfriend, especially if that boyfriend is as time-consuming as Alex was.

Caleb tried to convince me that living at home for the next few years is a bad idea. It didn’t work because his only argument was partying would be easier if I lived in Iowa City, where my friends are partying at. My argument is that its cheaper to live at home and I can always stay at friends houses, especially if Beth decides to live in Iowa City. I’m sure she’ll let me sleep at her place whenever I want to and it won’t be a big deal at all. He frustrates me sometimes. I think he’s getting too involved with the Russians (a very bad thing) because that’s all he seems to hang out with anymore. They keep horrible hours and are going to need liver transplants when they’re 30. Actually, they might be 30 now. I’ve no idea how old they are. But they are a bad influence. If they were good friends, they’d see the potential in Caleb and encourage him to take action that maximizes his potential instead of dragging him into the horrible things they do. I’m sure they’re find people but they don’t exactly live the most savory of lives and I don’t appreciate them dragging Caleb into it. It’s not good and will only end badly. You can’t spend your life partying. Why? I can’t say but I know that a) its not responsible and b) no one will respect you and c) what is the purpose of it? How can you live a life with no purpose? No goals? What is the point of life with no goals? What is existence without purpose and direction? Life needs a purpose, a goal, a direction, or else its worth less.

Stuff

I’ve got my chemistry final tomorrow morning and I can’t bring myself to study very much for it. I took the practice test and did alright (I passed it) so I’m hoping things will go okay in tomorrow’s test because I really can’t motivate myself to learn any more than what I’ve already absorbed. Plus, I’m really frustrated because there are two problems that I thought I knew how to do but I can’t seem to get the right answer. I’ll keep working on them throughout the day and hopefully I’ll get there. I know I’m on the right track and its probably some math something or other that’s got me getting the wrong answer. In theory, I know what should happen in both cases but knowing the theory and being able to do the problems is a little different. I must say, though, that the theory is probably going to be more useful than the plug and chug aspect.

I feel right now like I don’t have much stuff to move back home but I know when it comes to Friday and packing everything up, its suddenly going to seem like so much more. I’m probably going to need more than the two tubs and large suitcase I brought back from home but hopefully I can make everything fit. I’ve got enough random boxes that I can shove stuff into that it shouldn’t be as big of a deal as I think. I’m only worried about transporting my tv/dvd/stereo as I don’t want them to sit in a hot car for too long but I also don’t want to have to load them by myself. Adam is going to come over at 1pm so we can load his car with stuff. I completely forgot about my loveseat, though, and Ashley reminded me last night. This weekend is completely hectic for my family so I’m not really sure when a good time to pick up the loveseat would be. Maybe I’ll borrow Dad’s truck on Friday afternoon, before work and after Adam comes so that I can load it into his truck and he can drive it home. Hopefully it doesn’t rain. That would make my life so much more difficult. The seven day forecast last night said rain in the middle of the week but nothing on Friday or Saturday so it should work out okay to use the truck. Otherwise I’ll have to use the van and take the seats out of it and that’s just a hassle.

Caleb is coming over for lunch today and we’re going to watch a movie called Let the Right One In. Its some sort of vampire movie and its his new favorite movie. We’ll see how it goes. I’m excited because we’re going to have taco pizza. I think we’ll order it from Paul Revere’s and then I can get breadsticks! Their breadsticks are my absolute favorite and I would consider them the best breadsticks from a pizza place I’ve ever had. Olive Garden and Fazoli’s also have good breadsticks but theirs are Italian style and slightly different. Pizza place breadsticks have a different texture to them and Paul Revere’s is the best.

I’m going to try to get my Certified Nurses Assistant (CNA) this summer. It feels like the right thing to do, plus it will enable me to get a job in a hospital setting so I’ll have something to do between next year and the year I start med school. Mom talked to Nancy Upmeyer about it and she said I should get a job at a nursing home and then they’d pay for me to get my CNA which is good because its kind of expensive. I’m thinking I might do that instead of working at Pearson’s. A nursing home would be productive in getting me used to working in a health related field, even if indirectly. (By the way, how strange/cool is it that Bob Upmeyer, Nancy’s husband, works at the University of Iowa Financial Aid office and he helped me out the other day and now Nancy herself is helping me attain my future as well? I think its very interesting.) While a nursing home is not my ideal job, if they will pay for me to get my CNA then I can work at a nursing home. I’ll be honest, old people make me nervous but I need to get over that, especially if I’m going to be a doctor. A person’s a person no matter how old. I can work with them. They might be interesting. Especially since I’ve recently become fascinated with my grandparents lives before I knew them. Grandma Duck used to smoke in the church steeple with her girlfriends when she was in high school. I thought that was so interesting. She always seems like such a straight-laced woman, I would never have known that about her. Since I’ll be going to school in Iowa City, I plan to visit her much more often. Maybe I’ll pick an afternoon to visit with her, play cards, that sort of thing.

Books: I finished Child of the Holy Grail, which was the third in a series telling the story of Arthur, Guenevere, and Lancelot. I really enjoyed the series, though it was slow in the beginning. It was very complex and involved and I think stayed fairly true to the original idea of the legend. The same author wrote a series about Tristan and Isolde that I’m going to read so I’m looking forward to that. I’ve got several books to read between now and then however.

Life after Coe

I’m going to meet with an advisor at Iowa today. I’ve got a short list of questions so I don’t forget what to ask when I’m there. Basically I’m trying to figure out how to get into the classes I need to get into even though they are full. If it was Coe I’d email the professor and they would probably be like, “Sure! No problem! Go right ahead!” but with Iowa I’m sure they are going to be less gung-ho about it. I’ll probably have to be tenacious and persistent and obnoxious about getting my way. Basically I’m thinking I’m going to have to be pushy and overbearing and persistent. If worse comes to worse, Prof. Singleton gave me a really good plan, to sit in on the classes until someone drops so I can register for it. The only problem with that situation is that I’m going to have to take loans out to pay for the classes and it would be nice to get those rolling before school starts. Also, there are late registration fees is you register anytime after a week after the course starts. Also, I’m worried I won’t be able to defer my loans if I’m not registered as a full time student when I start. So, what I might end up doing is signing up for classes I have no intention of taking and dropping them as I get into the classes I need to take. But this sounds like a bad idea.

I’m also still struggling about whether to take a summer class or not. The only advantage to taking a class over the summer (physics) would be that I wouldn’t have to take three science classes in the fall. I would still have to take three science classes in the spring and I’m not sure the reprieve would be worth it. The heavy class load would be good practice for Med School. It would mean I wouldn’t be taking and “underwater basket-weaving” class but do I really need to do that? Do I really need to pay more money for a fun class and not a class that I actually need? I know that if I’m taking three science classes, with the corresponding labs, there will be no real time for any other class, plus working a job. I could not have a job but I like being at least slightly financial independent from my parents. Even if it’s a weekend job or just two nights a week, like Tuesday and Thursday, or something. But not having a job is not really an option. Truly, Potter’s Obsession is ideal but it would be too much effort to work in Cedar Rapids while going to school in Iowa City, especially since it only pays minimum wage. I’m sure I can find a minimum wage job anywhere.

Probably getting a waitressing job would be best. Tips would be so handy. I would like to work in a smaller business though, rather than a large chain, but I might have to take what I can get. Probably I’ll try places like Applebee’s and Texas Roadhouse, but I’m sure there are several Iowa City restaurants that are smaller and that would need to hire someone. Ideally I’d work as a bartender in a quiet bar. Not one of the ones that all the students populate often but one that has a more regular following. That would be ideal. I want to be a bartender so bad. I think it would be a blast. I’d love to serve drinks and make drinks and when people say surprise me I’d be able to make them something they love. I wonder how much experience they’d need me to have if I worked as a bartender. Of course, the late hours might get tedious after awhile but I’m sure I’d get used to it. And it would be a great way to earn money while still having fun. I’m not sure I’d have as much fun being a waitress as I would being a bartender. I’m intelligent, focused, responsible, creative, and not easily influenced by peer pressure. I think those are all qualities necessary for bartending. But now the question becomes, where should I tend bar? Where can I find a place that needs a bartender but not a place that will be excessively populated by college students? A bar and grill would be ideal because then I could work both areas.

I want to avoid college student bars because I think most college students are obnoxious. They party too hard, drink too much, and have no respect for anybody but themselves. Okay, obviously not all college students are like that but the majority who party in Iowa City regularly seem to be that way. I am not like that and I don’t like hanging out with people like that. Maybe a job in North Liberty would be good. We went to dinner at Eggy’s bar and grill. I’d enjoy working there. It’s a smaller business but thriving because of the good food. It’s a sports bar but I probably wouldn’t have to know all that much about sports. Also, it probably hires people with little to no experience so it would probably hire me. I’m going to pray about finding a waitressing job and hopefully something fruitful will occur.

ummm...less ADD, more focus

I’ve got so much stuff rattling around in my head right now. I’ve got finals, when to move back, senior events, Lori’s bridal shower, Amanda’s birthday, graduation, getting registered for fall classes at Iowa, and I’m really freaking out right now. I had difficulties falling asleep last night again. I haven’t had trouble falling asleep since before my senior show, almost a month ago. I guess the stress is piling up and I’m beginning to feel it. I’m so glad that today is the last day of classes. It puts so much less stress on me then. Also, while I’ve got a bunch of odds and ends to tie up, it leaves me free to take care of those odds and ends without also having to go to class. I’ve been trying to figure out the best time to move home and I think it will be the Friday before graduation which means all of my stuff will be leaving the apartment as well, including the TV, stereo, dvd/vcr player, loveseat and a chair, plus all of my kitchen stuff. I’ve no idea whose silverware is whose but I don’t really care. Whoever wants it can have it, as far as I’m concerned because we’ve got plenty of it at my house. I’m a little worried about my wine and martini glasses, plus I’ve got a lot of alcohol to finish before I move home as well, since it can’t come home with me. I’ll probably donate my pear vodka to whoever wants it. Maybe Amanda will want it since she’s going to be here over May term.

I feel like I don’t have much stuff left to move back home but I know that as soon as I start taking things out, it will fill up so much faster than I think. I’m going to try to recruit my brother into helping move home. He’ll be good for lifting big heavy things. Also, we’ve got to think of what to do with the purple entertainment center. Its big and bulky and nobody we know is staying over the summer in an apartment on campus. Its way too big to put in a dorm room. Maybe we could leave it in the apartment? Nah, Residence Life would never let us get away with that unless we were donating it to the apartment specifically. We might end up having to store it at my house, if I volunteer it. Otherwise it will have to be dismantled. I’ve got some errands to run tonight and Heather and Emily and Holly are back from Thailand. They got back last night. I wonder if she/they will want to go to Wal-mart with me. I’m going to assume they haven’t been to a Wal-mart in a really long time and will be appreciative of the chaos embodied by the large retailer. I need to print some pictures so I can work on Caitlin’s scrapbook pages and I need bagels and I need to pick up my sash and skirt from David’s bridal, and I need to order a bridal shower cake from Hy-vee. Just a bunch of errands that need doing and would be more fun if I had someone with me to do them.

Amanda wants to go shirt shopping on Friday so she can have something new to wear for her birthday. It sounds like fun but our schedules are very off. I might be going out to eat with my film class before we watch our movie that is our final. So, we might only have a few hours to shop. It should be good, if we shop with purpose. Hopefully I can convince her to wear something that will flatter her figure and not something too loose like the t-shirts she always wears. She has good taste in clothes when she puts her mind to it but doesn’t really try very often to put her mind to it. Personally, I can’t stand going out in public in sweatpants. Its extremely uncomfortable. I feel like I’m not dressed and ready for the day. It encourages me to be lazy. The only time I spend the day in pajamas is when I’m sick. Otherwise I will get dressed, even if I don’t put on make-up and pull my hair back. There’s something about wearing actual clothes that makes me more energetic and eager to do what I need to do. Sweatpants make me feel like I don’t have to accomplish anything, which is generally not true.

I’m a little sad I didn’t make it quite to the book I wanted to make it to in my book system. Of course, I spent several days extra reading the Sookie Stackhouse series instead of moving on. So its my fault for getting distracted. Fortunately, I’m all caught up in that series because I won’t buy the next book until it comes out in mass market paperback size and that won’t be for about a year. I should be ready for it then, anyway. I’m particular about the size of my books. If I start buying a series in one size then the rest of the books must also be in that size. Generally, it’s the mass market paperback size, which is cheapest. I’m mad at myself for buying the hardback version of the latest Laurell K Hamilton series because now I’ve either got to buy the paperback version or keep buying the hardback versions from now on. It’s a little OCD but hey, everyone’s got their vices.

ADD attack

I’m still reeling over the shock of Alex’s phone call but I think it was a good thing to happen. Caleb said he and Alex had a conversation about when is the right time to apologize to women and I wonder if that triggered his desire to apologize to me.

I was a bad person and put off doing a lot of homework last week so now I have quite a bit piling up. Not nearly so much as Amanda, poor girl, but a significant amount. I need to work on my film final, which is two 3-4 page essays on given subjects and make my AAR disc with my images on it, and start studying for my chem. final. I’m officially done with lab, thank God, and soon I will be done with Color as well. I’m excited. I’m really excited. I can’t wait to be done. I’m so ready to move on. I’m tired of Coe. I’m tired of being away from home. I just want to not do anything for like, three days. I know, three days, you’re thinking. What good is three days? Well, three days is plenty of time to relax. More than that and I’ll be bored out of my skull.

I’m planning on having a Desperate Housewives marathon in the coming weeks because I can and I want to and it’s what I did last year, too. I watch Desperate Housewives during Finals week because it makes me feel lighthearted and happy. I had to miss this week’s episode because I was writing a lab report but Amanda, Ashley and I are planning on watching it tonight. It will take less than an hour but provide priceless enjoyment. Besides, I have to find out what happens. Edie died in the last one and I need to know how the women of Wisteria Lane are coping with the loss. Honestly, I was shocked she died. She’s been shunned so many times, or almost killed, or something that keeps her from participating but she’s always comes back. I secretly hope she does come back.

I’m being a bad person. Well, not really. I’m surfing the internet for information about New Moon, the next movie in the Twilight saga, as its called. I’m really excited to see it because I’m pretty sure it will be better than the first one since they’re putting so much effort into it. I hope it turns out well. I’ll definitely be at whatever midnight premier they have when it comes out in November.

I’m ADD again today. Back and forth, all over the place with my writing. Now I’m looking up info on the HBO tv series True Blood which is based on the Sookie Stackhouse series I just finished reading. I’m hoping that season one will be on dvd soon enough that I can get it on Netflix. That would be sweet!!!!

I can’t focus right now. I’ll do this later.

A surprising phone call

I got the strangest phone call last night. I am very rarely speechless but my mouth was opening and closing and no sounds were coming out.

Alex called me.

Alex called me to apologize for being so rotten to me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m in shock. I answered the phone call (I knew it was him) expecting to have to hurt his feelings and turn him down. I wondered if Anice had broken up with him or he had broken up with her. No. All of that ran through my head before I even answered. He started talking and said he hadn’t expected that I would answer the phone. He started apologizing for the way he treated me. I was tempted to say, “It’s okay,” but thought, its really not okay. He didn’t respect me. He cheated on me. I bullied me. He picked on me. He belittled my thoughts and opinions. But now he’s apologizing. I’m in shock. I know I keep saying that but its because its true. I didn’t know what to say so I just listened. I wished I could have recorded it. I would have loved to listen again and hear him apologize again. He never apologized when we were dating, for anything. Ever. And here he is, almost a year after we broke up, apologizing. I don’t know what to do with myself.

!

Basically he implied that he didn’t know how good he had it until he didn’t have it anymore and he felt really bad about it and so decided to apologize. I will admit, the thought that maybe he was in a 12-step recovery program or something, cuz I know for AA and SA (sex addicts anonymous) that one of the steps is to make amends. Is he trying to make amends or did he really do this on his own? Mom made a good point, when I told her about it; he is an emotionally sensitive person. It is entirely possible that he thought this up on his own. But having the guts to do it? I’m impressed slightly. (Don’t panic anyone. Being impressed is not an indicator that I would get back together with him. I’m worth so much more, now.) I hope he’s on the road to somewhere better than where he used to be. I can't imagine him continuing his life on the path he was on before (no job, living at home, partying all the time). Maybe Anice is better for him than his friends first thought. Maybe she's a good influence on him. I wish them the best.

Senior Send Off was a blast. I looked awesome in my “Red-Headed Slut” costume. Amanda and Lori were “Brass Monkey” and “Sex on the Beach” respectively. We were the best dressed, if I do say so myself. I got very drunk but not so drunk as to not remember anything. I did kiss a lot of people though. I had on some dark lipstick so it was really fun leaving lipstick prints all over everybody. I felt bad for Lori because she started throwing up after she shotgunned a beer. Overall it was a really fun time, though. Oh! Amanda kept telling people she’d “cut” people for them. Then she asked Lori what that meant the next morning. It was really funny.

The next morning I woke up fairly early, hung over, and went to church. I got back with McDonald’s breakfast in my hands and Lori and Amanda wanted to go to Perkins for brunch so I went with them instead. It was fun. It was relaxing too. I like going to Perkins. I like their breakfast. They always serve it and it is always delicious. Probably my favorite is the hash browns. I got scrambled eggs instead of an omelet but I wish I’d gotten an omelet because their eggs had no flavor. They are probably fake eggs and they probably don’t make them with milk and salt and pepper. Scrambled eggs without milk just aren’t scrambled eggs. They don’t get light and fluffy and tasty. They get flat and texture-less.

I did almost no reading this weekend—a huge surprise. I just didn’t have time. I’ll have more time, hopefully, as the week progresses because classes are over on Wednesday and once Friday is gone, all I’ll have to study for is chemistry and I’m not going to do that 24/7. I’d go insane.

Iowa, Chemistry, and Books

I’m so frustrated with the University of Iowa. I’ve been under the impression that for the past few weeks I’ve been registered as a non-degree seeking student. I was sent an email with a username and password and when I went online I had an advisor, which I recently contacted. I sent her an email yesterday. Fortunately she was on top of things and emailed me back and forwarded the message to Admissions. Apparently I only thought I was registered for classes and the person who was labeled as my advisor wasn’t really my advisor. So, I have to send an official transcript to the University of Iowa by mail because apparently its not valid if its faxed. I then have to wait while they process my admission and let me know if I’m in or not, then meet with someone from the Academic Advising Center to discuss my unique situation. It is so frustrating at times. It made me tear up a little this morning but I also think that its because I was so excited about having been on top of things only to find out that I wasn’t actually on top of things. Its irritating and frustrating and overwhelming, to try and learn how to function in a new system. The University of Iowa and its hoop-jumping and switching phone people and lack of clarity in direction is a foreign country and I will have to learn to manage. I will manipulate the system. I will conquer the bureaucracy of the school and come out on top. I will succeed in med school because they’ve put a block in my path and I will conquer it or go down trying!

Okay so that was a little extreme but…I feel empowered again about med school because of this block in the path. I don’t know what the deal is but because there are stumbling blocks I feel like this is going to be worth my while. Maybe it’s because I know there are steps I can take now, even if they are frustrating and tedious ones. I think everything was too easy before and now, while it’s frustrating, its also a step in a forward direction.

I’m so excited for the end of the school year. I’m eager to start new things. I’ve pretty much finished the work I needed to do here at Coe, except for finals, and those aren’t going to be hard. The only thing I’ll need to study for is Chemistry. He’s giving us the standard ACS exam (American Chemical Society, I think) and just taking off the questions we haven’t studied yet. I’m so excited to finally be taking a multiple choice test. I’m so much better at multiple choice than essay. I’ve steadily gotten B+’s on all of my tests so far and I know its because I don’t always explain things that happen in my head. I make assumptions in my head that I assume everyone else is going to make and he wants us to be as explicit as we possibly can. I honestly put all that I can think of on the paper but its not always enough and when I go back over it I see the places where I made assumptions and he takes off points for me making assumptions. The way I see it, I understand the material at an A level but I can’t always write it at the same level. Verbally I could probably explain it at the same level I understand it.

I went to Barnes and Noble last night because I’d finished the two books I bought the day before and I wanted the next two books in the series. Monday, I bought the next two books in the series and held the following two in my hand but put them back. Yesterday I went back to get the next two but only the next one was to be found. The most recent book published, the last paperback in the series for now, was missing. Now, I suspect it had been misplaced, not actually bought, because what are the chances that the one book I want is going to be purchased in 24 hours? Very slim. I found a sales associate and asked her if she knew if there were any other places in the store I could find the book and she said, if its not with the books on the shelf its not there. I asked if there were any in the back. “No, we don’t have any in the back.” I was tempted to ask her to check but then she got in my face about ordering it. “No, I don’t want to order it.” “Are you sure? Its no problem.” “No, I don’t want to order it.” “Its no problem. I can pull it up real quick.” “That’s okay, thanks.” and I turned around to go. Seriously she was very persistent and it was weird. But it did make me think, I might apply for a job at Barnes and Noble in Coralville. That would be ideal. Surrounded by books and helping people find what they need. It would be perfect. I’m so excited. I’ve decided that I don’t want to ever work retail again. At least not women’s clothing or department stores. There’s too much work and too little appreciation. I’m tempted to work at a Bridal store though. That could be fun. Its much more specialized, but there might be bridezillas I’d have to deal with. Of course, there’s probably mean grumpy people who shop at every business. Still, a bridal store I would be surrounded by pretty dresses. That’s always a plus.

Books: I finished books 5, 6, & 7 in the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. I’m really enjoying them. I’m on book 8 right now and book 9 was the one that was not at Barnes and Noble. They are so much fun to read. I’ve read most of the prominent vampire series. Of the ones that are serials, I like this one the best for light reading. Laurell K Hamilton’s Anita Blake series is addicting and once you start, you have to keep going until you can’t go any more but it gets a little too racy at times and the main character seems to fall into bed more often than she resists it. Sookie Stackhouse, the main character of this series, has morals and won’t cheat and won’t have one-night stands, and won’t give in to the vampire who she has a blood tie to, which makes him utterly intoxicating when she’s with him. I admire her standing up to the men in her life while still remaining her femininity. The other series I’ve read, Mary Janice Davidson’s Betsy Taylor series, is a little too fluffy to be addicting. They are fun reads by themselves but not nearly as addicting as the other two. The main character is an extremely non-traditional vampire, which is interesting, but the storylines are less interesting as merely entertaining. I wouldn’t die if I couldn’t get the next book in time. Its more like each books is its own thing, only connected by the characters instead of by both characters and plot. The Twilight series, by Stephanie Meyer, does not compare to these. It is in a category all its own. This is for two reasons: 1. Its not a serial, it is its own trilogy and contained within a beginning and an end whereas the rest of them have no specific ending in sight. 2. Its so much more epic than the others. Epic things may happen in the other books but overall, life continues with some minor alterations. In Twilight, the world completely changes. (When I talk about the Twilight series, do not count Breaking Dawn, the last book, because in my mind it is not part of the series.)

Weather and Senior Send-Off

I’m being such a slacker this week. It’s the last full week of classes and I don’t have a lot of work left to do except study for my finals and those are too far off for me to contemplate studying for them right now. Okay, so they’re really only two weeks away but still, that’s too far for me. If I start studying now, I’ll probably just forget the info in two weeks time. I’ll start next week, I hope.

I’ve also been a slacker because I didn’t work out this morning or yesterday like I usually do. Instead, I sat and watched TV this morning. Probably not the most productive thing to do but I was tired. The thermostat was set at 76 last night but I didn’t realize it until this morning. I slept horribly. I kept waking up and tossing and turning and I’m pretty sure now, it was because I was too hot. I don’t understand how Lori can sleep at such high temperatures. It’s a good thing she’s moving to California. They’re having record high temperatures for the month right now. Personally, I prefer Iowa’s 50’s and 60’s to California’s 90’s and 100’s. There is such a thing as too hot, and besides, I would have to wear spf 60 sunscreen everyday and its so greasy and oily that I would hate it. I much prefer Iowa and its cooler temperatures. True, we might see 100 degrees this summer but it probably won’t be for more than a week. 100 degrees in April is just wrong. I would anticipate the end of the world coming soon if Iowa ever had a 100 degree day in April.

Caleb is driving me a little bonkers right now (Caleb, if you’re reading this, please try to understand.) I’m not a phone person. I don’t really like to talk on the phone, especially is its not for any specific reason. He keeps calling me. I don’t mind talking to him when there is a purpose but I don’t want to randomly talk on the phone because I don’t like to do it. I understand that he’s bored and lonely and wants intelligent people to talk to but he needs to realize that I just don’t like to talk on the phone all that much. So I ignore most of his phone calls. I also think that texting is a much more efficient way of getting my attention if you’re bored. I can text and do other things at the same time and it won’t get on my nerves. Phone calls should be reserved for purposes. Texting can be random.

Amanda is freaking out about Senior Send-off, the unofficial part where everybody gets the seniors wasted. She’s afraid of how drunk they are going to get her, I think. I agree slightly that the juniors are probably going to try to get us completely trashed but if I’m at my limit, I’m at my limit and no amount of coaxing, chanting, yelling, and cajoling will induce me to drink more than I can or something I don’t want to (like beer.) I think Senior Send-off could be a blast but I don’t want it to turn into a puking fest. Traditionally, the seniors have to chug a beer as they come in the door to the party but I’m going to request something different. Chugging a beer will make me sick to my stomach and make me not want to drink anything for the rest of the night. So, I’m trying to figure out a way I can let the juniors know that they should have alternative drinks on hand. Hopefully they make some sort of jungle juice or punch and I’ll gladly chug a drink of that. If I stick to liquor or beer alone and not some combination, I’ll probably be fine the whole night.

We ended up with some pretty sweet costume ideas based on the ones I looked up. I’m not going to share what they are right now, in case someone reads this, but its awesome and I’m super excited. Its like Halloween!

I cleaned Dad’s shop yesterday then went to Barnes and Noble. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have gone because I only end up spending money (which I did) but it makes me happy. The way I see it, if I’m addicted to books, at least it’s a healthy addiction and not something that is going to ruin my life. I sometimes wish my mom was more like my friend Beth’s mom, who buys her books all the time, but I also think that my mom has the right of it, feeding the habit is not a good thing. Fortunately, I can afford to buy my own books and I can get them any time I want. I’ve discovered that my struggle to afford books is what caused me to reread books all the time—that, and because I really like the books, but because I couldn’t always afford to buy new books, I would reread the old ones. So I have a smaller collection of books that I would like but most of them are well loved and well read.

I bought the next two books in the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris because I read them so quickly, and I had a 15% off coupon for one item so I justified the purchase of two books. The way I see it, I could be spending my money on drugs or tobacco, both of which are physically addicting and much more expensive in the long run. On average I probably spend $30 or less a month on books. When you think about it, that averages to one paperback book a week or less. I go through that easily. In fact, with the Charlaine Harris books, I’m through them in about half a day. So, it really is frugal of me to not spend more than that because it gives me more time to reread the ones I already have.

Flunk Day! (yesterday)

Yesterday was Flunk Day! I had a great time. Well, overall. We were supposed to have a Cranium game and then watch Meet Me In St. Louis, but Lori must have had a really bad day at school because she got back and shut herself in her room and didn’t come out all evening. I realize she must have had a bad day and I sympathize, because I’m sure teaching 5th graders is a thankless task but I don’t empathize very much. I can’t imagine being in such a bad mood that I can’t talk to anybody and just want to shut myself away. Part of that is because it’s just not in my nature to be like that and part of it is that I wasn’t allowed to do that when I was growing up. If I was in a bad mood, it didn’t matter; I still had to do things. I’m not saying I don’t think she should do that, not at all. She has every right to do that—I just don’t understand it very well.

I got a little sunburned on my face yesterday. I put my moisturizer on, and didn’t put other sunscreen on because it has a sunscreen built into it. Only I didn’t realize that when I put my moisturizer on, I don’t put it all the way to my hairline. As a result, there is a strip of sunburned skin at the top of my forehead. It’s comical when you think about it (and when you look at it) but its annoying because it got pretty strongly burned and now I’m going to have an awkward tan line on my forehead.

I’m more focused on med school again. I really do want it again. I might not be the best doctor in the world, but my priorities are going to be different. I probably will go into some sort of clinic work which will give me the flexibility to do what I want with my family life.

I completely spaced about Bible study last night. I didn’t even realize until this morning that I missed it. I was so focused on Flunk Day that I didn’t even notice it was Thursday, except to note that I didn’t have lab. I’m debating on whether or not to email everyone and apologize for missing or to just wait til next week and tell them it was because it was flunk day. Probably I’ll just wait and tell them. Other people miss sometimes too.

My favorite part of Flunk day was in the afternoon. Amanda, Ashley, and I had just finished watching Mean Girls and decided to go sit outside and enjoy the day. I was laying on a blanket and Amanda and Ashley were sitting in the grass. Jeff walked over to us and lay down next to me. He asked me if the animal hair on my blanket was dog hair and I said it was probably cat hair. He got off the blanket.
“Well, its probably a mix of both. Does that make it better?” I said. He said it did but he still didn’t want to be on my blanket. He’s not allergic to cats, he just doesn’t like them very much. He had two labs at home (one of them died recently, I believe) and he and his brother Jason love them very much. He started picking on Amanda and it was really funny. He took her shoes and threw them then she took his hat and tried to throw it but didn’t get very far because he grabbed her sock and twisted it until she said she’d get his hat for him. It’s really funny because Jeff is only doing this to Amanda because he knows he can get a rise out of her. If he threw my shoes I’d probably just shrug it off and get them later. Because she freaks out a little, he teases her more. It was nice being outside and just sitting and talking. I like talking to Jeff. He’s a good conversationalist. Its especially funny when there are other people around because he picks on the ones like Amanda and tries to shock the ones that don’t rise to the occaision with his redneck remarks. Half of what he says, he doesn’t really believe. He only says it because he knows that it will shock people. Personally I find it amusing that he does this. It would be annoying if he did it all the time but I know better. He left to go study for his genetics test today and we went inside because the sun had gone away and we were cold.

We watched four episodes of House MD last night. It was funny because Ashley kept laughing out loud at House’s random comments which are very out of nowhere. I’m going to miss hanging out with them when school is out. I’m going to be spending much more time with my family and I might have to start going places and doing things on my own. For instance, going to movies by myself, and going to coffee shops to sit and read for awhile. If Beth goes to Iowa (which Mom says she just has this feeling that Beth will go to Iowa and Mom being very accurate with her feelings means Beth probably will) I can hang out with her and she can hang out with me and we can avoid our families on a regular basis. It will be nice being at home in one sense because its comfortable and I know everyone there will love me no matter what, at the same time, my living habits have changed slightly since I haven’t lived at home for very long periods of time and I’m going to have to readjust.

I’m still excited to move my stuff back in, though, and organize everything. It’s a little stressful but more interesting now that I’m trying to make everything fit. It’s like a puzzle and I have to get everything to work in just the right way so that I’m not living in clutter. The next decision I have to make is whether or not to have my DVDs in my room or downstairs with the rest of the DVDs. Decisions, decisions! J

Costume ideas

We’re trying to come up with a theme to dress up as for ASA senior send-off. Amanda, Lori, and I proposed being ballerinas because it would be fairly easy and pretty fun buy its beginning to sound like nobody but us thought it would be fun. There are emails going around suggesting a sports/athlete theme which would mean that we could still be ballerinas yet everyone else is a sport with a ball? How is that going to be cohesive? I appreciate Susan trying to be a mediator and make everyone happy. (She’s that kind of a person and I love her for it.) but I think it would be better if everyone is a similar thing rather than extremes of a spectrum. True, ballerinas are technically athletes but not many people are going to make that connection, especially if there are two or three ballerinas and six or seven sports athletes. The immediate connotation of athlete in people’s minds is going to be some sort of sport like basketball or football, not dance. I’m ready to be told what to wear, unless I’m asked to wear a jersey. In this case, I’ll do the ballerina and be different and everyone else can be damned. I’m not going to wear a sports jersey to my senior send-off, especially since I don’t watch them, I don’t play them, and I certainly don’t care anything about them at all. Why would I wear something that I’m not enthusiastically a part of? At the same time, I see why they object to being ballerinas, since many of the other seniors do not have a dance background. There has to be a middle ground, something we can do that isn’t going to be distasteful to anyone participating. What it could be, I’ve no idea. Personally, I prefer pretty things and sports/athletes just don’t cut it for me.

I’ve got my chemistry test tonight and I’m not freaking out about it like I probably should be. Instead I’m just blasé about it. I don’t really care. I think I was only stressing last time because it was also really close to having to get my senior show in order and I was freaking out about that too. Now I don’t really care anymore which could be a good thing, because it means I’ll be relaxed for the test but it could also be bad because it means I won’t be as prepared as I could be. Also, I think its crap that he’s teaching us stuff today that’s going to be on the test tonight, supposedly, except he did this last time, too and it wasn’t on the test at all, much to my irritation. I think I’m fairly prepared this time though. Much of the information is the same, incorporating the same equations with different uses. That makes my life easier, if not simpler.

Flunk day was not today. I’m kind of sad about this. It would have been perfect because if its tomorrow, its going to be too warm in the afternoon, what with everybody drinking and stuff. If its Friday (which I hope its not) then it will be even warmer. If its not tomorrow then I’m rooting for next week. While they say that flunk day can be any day, I think they try to avoid Friday because then people will be more likely to go the hospital for alcohol poisoning, having spent all day Friday, all day Saturday and part of Sunday drinking. Probably the celebration will only end on Monday morning when most students don’t show up for class. I wonder when Beth will have her flunk day. Coe and Knox are the only two colleges that have flunk day but they are on a trimester system and go much longer into the summer, as a result. She’s not graduation until a month after I graduate.

I’m locked out of my apartment. I forgot my keys when I left for choir at noon and Amanda and Ashley both have class at 1, so they’re usually gone when I get back and they locked my keys in the apartment. Its not their fault, since I’m the dingbat who left them there. I could try to blame Dr. Falk for keeping us late in choir because, had I got out in time, I might have run into Amanda going to class and she could have let me in but I didn’t, so now I’m stuck outside the apartment, waiting for color class to start. Its not too bad and fortunately, I don’t need anything for color class but its irritating, nonetheless.

Books

I’m very excited. I’m going to get a massage after I’m done working in the writing center today. I’m so looking forward to it. It is going to feel amazing. My back is so tense right now that I can’t touch my nose to my knees like I usually can. I’m several inches away, in fact. Lori laughed when I told her that this morning. Yes, I do realize that not everyone can touch their nose to their knees as it is but I normally can so that fact that I can’t means that something is wrong in my body and hopefully this massage will help.

Taxes are due tomorrow and I still haven’t done mine. Probably I’m going to do them this afternoon and mail them tomorrow. Dad said they just had to be postmarked by tomorrow so that’s a good thing. I should do them today so I can mail them but I just don’t want to. It’s annoying and simple but frustrating. I hope I have the right form. Last year I had to use a different form because the church doesn’t take taxes from the checks they give me but they give me a form that’s like a W-2 but isn’t and complicates my tax life unnecessarily.

I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have because even though lent is over, I shouldn’t be spending money but I got a little carried away. I knew I was going to buy two books. I ended up buying four and almost bought five. The two extra books were on the sale table so I felt justified in their purchase. Plus, they were on the best-sellers sale table and so I’m pretty sure they’re going to be good. Usually I don’t buy books I’m not familiar with but I couldn’t resist. One had a really pretty cover (The Witch of Portobello) and the other I started reading, made it through twenty pages and then had to give it back (Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell). I did have to rearrange the book system, though, and I still don’t have it perfected the way I want it. I’m probably going to have to give up some books and push them back towards the end because I don’t want to separate books in a series by too much space. The good thing about my mind, I’m beginning to realize, is that I can keep most of these storylines separate. I don’t absolutely have to read one after the other and I will still be able to know what’s going on.

We have a chemistry test tomorrow evening and I’m very unprepared for it, I think. I’m not sure exactly what’s going to happen on the test but I know that if Chapter 18 (which we’ve only just covered) is on the test I’m not going to do so hot on that. I didn’t even know we were going to cover it until yesterday and so I’ve got to prepare it as much as I can before the test tomorrow.

I’m excited for school to be done. I’m tired of doing things and want the summer to be here so I can actually get some quality reading done. The book system is only as effective assuming I can read through them quickly. If I’m too slow, then I forget details which make it harder to read the next book in the series if there’s been several slow books between them.

I’m feeling a bit scatter-brained today, if you couldn’t tell. There isn’t really a flow of thought in my brain that is connecting into this entry. I’m trying to focus on something but every time I get close, the thought flits away like ice cream in the desert. Its like I can see that there’s something there, some thought worth chasing, but as soon as I go after it, its gone and my brain has decided that there’s something else I should try to think about

I’ve still been thinking about what I want to do with my life. I would love to be a professional book reviewer. I could read books and then write what I thought about them. I’d have to take more lit classes but that’s not a problem because I usually really enjoy lit classes. I love to write. I love to read. Why not turn that into something I can do for a living? Because I’m not a good enough writer and I like to read only specific things. Of course, I’m perfectly willing to branch out but I tend to dislike reality and prefer escapist literature to settings in real places with real things. Not that I wouldn’t read any of those, but that I prefer something more creative in obvious ways. Anyone can write about what happened to someone. It takes a skilled mind to create an entirely new world full of new and interesting characters. In my opinion, it takes more skill to write something unreal than to write something real. Think about it. Look at all the books in the world. The majority of them are realistic fiction. Science fiction and fantasy are in the minority because a believable science fiction or fantasy story takes much more effort than something closer to our current reality. I would love to be a purely science fiction/fantasy book reviewer but I don’t have the skill. I could practice. I know how to do it. I have to come up with “bull shit” of the literature variety and apply it to the books I read. I’d also have to be more elaborate on my descriptions of the books. I’d have to think more about them as books and find less than obvious ways to describe them and determine whether they were good or not. Something I know I can do.

Book: I finished Dragon Prince last night. I’d read it before but didn’t remember what happened. Something would happen which triggered my memory of later scenes but for the life of me I could not remember how it ended so I really enjoyed rereading it to rediscover why I enjoyed it in the first place. It takes place over a longer amount of time, so I would have to describe it as an epic and while there are two books following this one, I’m not sure I want to read them. Some books feel entirely whole when they stand by themselves. This is one of those books. It doesn’t need the support of its sequels to make it good. It exists by itself as a quality story. I’m going to put it on my favorite books list.

Quickie :)

It didn't take me and my family nearly as long to take my art show down as I thought it would. We were in and out of there in less than half an hour. I was surprised at how industrious we were. I thought it would take us about an hour since it took three hours to put it up. Happily it did not.

My friend Kristin is home for the weekend. She got engaged on Monday and was going to hang out with me this afternoon but she never called so we never hung out. I'm not surprised, though. She's with her family and they're probably all paying attention to her and she probably hasn't given me a second thought. That sounds horrible to say about one of my really good friends. I don't mean for it to sound so bad. I just know her and I know that she likes to be the center of attention. Sometimes thats good and I enjoy hanging out with her because its always fun but sometimes it makes me feel like a low priority so I sometimes don't go out of my way to be her friend because she doesn't go out of her way to be mine. So we'll pass the weekend without seeing each other and it will be fine. It won't hurt our friendship any because both of us have realized that it is what it is and we don't try to change it.

Bible Study and Easter

I went to bible study last night and I was there for three hours. Funny thing is, we don’t spend three hours talking about faith-related stuff. We probably spend an hour or less on task supposedly and the rest of it off task, talking about our problems and experiences and generally venting. The thing is, though, that a lot of what we’re talking about has some sort of relation to our subject, distant though it might be. For example, last night the subject of our discussion was supposed to center on gossip and the effect of what we say on other people. Recently, some people have been having bad experiences with other people and sharing it in our group. True, our group is confidential but they still felt really guilty about sharing negative information about other people.

I’m kind of excited to go home this afternoon. I’m looking forward to doing more work on my room. I’ve got a plan all laid out and I’m looking forward to implementing it. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the giant bowl chair that’s in my room and full of pillows and stuffed animals yet but I’m thinking I might let it stay, depending on how full the room feels once I get everything in place. I’m going to try and use the closet space that I have available so I can have more room in the main part of my room.

I spent an hour yesterday researching classes on the U of I website. I’m really excited. I know in the fall I will have to be taking at least 2 if not 3 science classes but that leaves room for one “underwater basketweaving” class, as Nana calls it. They have a ballroom dancing class that they offer and I’m planning on taking it. I’ve also discovered that of the seven classes I selected, three of them were considered religion classes. So, if I get tired of trying so hard for medicine, I might get another degree in religion. I think it would be fascinating. Or I’d get a degree in Women’s studies. Those classes are fascinating, too. I’m feeling a bit all over the place right now. I’d really like to meet with my advisor at Iowa but since they don’t register for fall classes until the end of April, I’m sure she’s not ready to meet with people about their life yet. Except that I feel like I need to get things rolling so I can have my ducks in a row when it comes time to register on May 1st. (Non-degree seeking students register last.) Hopefully there will be space in the classes I want and need to take. I’m sure chemistry won’t be a problem, or physics, since I’m starting at the beginning but some of the smaller classes I might have more difficulty getting into.

I’ve decided that if Amanda gets her internship, then I will take a class this summer and if she does not get her internship then I will not take a class this summer, mostly because it would interfere with our plans for Lori’s wedding if I’m taking a class. I really want Amanda to get the internship, not just so I can take a class, though that would help me out from the fall, but because I think it would be really good for her. I think she would really enjoy it and it would be a great experience for her to have. Plus, she’d be living in Florida for six months and who wouldn’t want to do that?

I’m looking forward to watching Jesus Christ Superstar tonight. It’s a family tradition that we dye Easter eggs and watch JC Superstar on Good Friday. Even though it’s a rock opera, it’s a great telling of the story of the Passion of Christ and we love watching it. Though Mel Gibson’s Passion movie came out a few years ago, we have never seen it. I feel slightly guilty about it because Christ died for our sins so I should be able to watch a movie about the gory death he had but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m sure he understands. Its not like I’m rejecting Christ when I refuse to watch the bloody version and instead choose to watch the musical version. I think that both versions are valid and some people may object strenuously to watching a musical but love watching the more violent version. It’s a matter of taste and no one can really say definitely which is the more appropriate version.

Field Testing and Fall at Iowa

For lab this morning we went to a Indian Creek and tested the water. It was so much fun. I really enjoy doing field work, as its called. I wore my rain boots and waded across the creek and back, soaking my feet in the process. It was so pretty out there, I didn’t want to come back to Coe. I could have stayed out there and camped and enjoyed the scenery and cooked over a fire. It has taken me a few years worth of summer experiences before I figured out I enjoy the outdoors but after hiking and camping and canoeing and white-water rafting with the Venture Crew, I’ve come to really enjoy it. Its always so peaceful and calm. Everything is so pretty, even when there aren’t any leaves on the trees. Its nice to get away and relax from the stress that surrounds you when you’re on campus or at home. You can temporarily forget that you have a paper due and homework to catch up on. You can forget your worries and just enjoy being.

Jeffrey was there, along with Yvonne and Deborah (De Bor ah). Yvonne is so funny because she keeps up a running commentary about how she thought by moving to Iowa she could get away from hiking. Deborah is a sweetheart. She’s so quiet but she’s fun to talk to and I enjoy having conversations with her. She seems very nice and I’m excited that she’ll be working in the Writing Center next year and sad that I won’t be able to get to know her better that way.

Jeff took pictures of me crossing the stream. I think he enjoyed being outside, too. In fact, I know he did. He showed up to lab almost five minutes early when he’s usually five minutes late. Field testing is what he wants to spend his life doing and so today’s experience was just up his alley.

Allright. I’ve confessed a crush of Jeff before and then let it fade but it came back again today. I know that nothing is going to happen between him and I. There’s too much family history, what with me dating his cousin (Alex) and knowing his brother fairly intimately, too, but he has some personality traits that I am definitely looking for in a guy. First of all, he’s confident and optimistic. He knows what he’s doing and forges ahead. He doesn’t waste time trying to figure out if he’s figured out how to do something. He just does it and if it works, it works, and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t and he’ll find another way to make it work. Also, he really enjoys the outdoors and doesn’t assume that just because I’m a girl, I’m going to be less capable outside. One of my biggest peeves is being treated like I’m incapable. Its different when I ask for help, because then I’m acknowledging I need it but if someone assumes I can’t do something just because I’m a girl…ooh it really irks me. He doesn’t do that. In fact, sometimes I teach him how to do things.

Probably another reason for the attraction is simply because we work well together and know each other. We’re comfortable around each other and its never awkward like it can be with strange people. I’m sure I will have plenty of awkward moments in the fall at the University. I’m going to have to get used to them.

Actually, I’m a little nervous about the friend situation this fall. If Beth decides to go to Iowa, then I’ll have her to hang out with and I can branch from there. If she decides to go to Emery, in Atlanta, Georgia, then I’ll have to figure something else out because I refuse to sit at home every Friday and Saturday night because of a lack of people to hang out with. It sucks that all of my friends are moving away. I wish I had some way of meeting new people. I’m afraid that class sizes are going to be so big at Iowa that there won’t be any sort of making friends. Will I just go to class, take notes, and leave? How is it going to work? I’m going to have to be outgoing and friendly and open if I want to make friends. I’ll have to follow the advice I gave Lori about making friends on her own terms in California: “If you want friends, you’re going to have to go out of your way to make them. You can’t just sit around and expect people to want to hang out with you. You’re going to have to make them want to hang out with you.”

Flunk day and Disneyworld

Today I was going to go through my routine like I always do but because it is Symposium day (no classes) I was a slacker and slept in. It felt good but now I feel like I’m off track. I have a lot of work to do for the rest of the day. I have to catch up in chemistry and I have to work on my color project because I’m not going to be in color class on Friday and its due Monday. Instead I’ll be going to a 3pm Good Friday service. It makes me happy to go to a 3pm service. Its considered the hour of mercy, the hour Christ died on the cross and having a service at that time seems the appropriate time to have it. Strangely enough, most Cedar Rapids Catholic churches do not have a 3pm service. I know because I tried to find one last year so I could go to it and they couldn’t be found. So I’m skipping color class to go to mass. I feel like it’s a legitimate excuse. Peter (the professor) could argue that I could find a different service to go to, one at a different time, but that’s when I pull out the hour of mercy card.

I’m signed up for an etiquette dinner tomorrow evening which starts at five and I thought for sure it would only be an hour but its two hours. I was supposed to play the piano for Holy Thursday mass in Solon which starts at 7pm but now I can’t make it. I have to go to this etiquette dinner in order to graduate.

Amanda heard a rumor that Flunk Day is going to be next Wednesday. I would cry if it was next Wednesday because I have a chemistry test that day and they stress me out a lot. The last time I had a chemistry test I was so stressed out that I missed classes for the rest of the day to go sit in Barnes and Noble. (Which sounds like a good idea for this afternoon. I think I’ll do that this afternoon instead of my Color project.) She was in the library and was talking to an older gentleman who needed help with loading paper in the printer. As she was doing it, he was asking her about Flunk Day and if she knew when it was. A janitor was working close by and overheard them. He interjected that Flunk Day was going to be next Wednesday. She was really upset at him. I would be too because of all the days it could be this spring, that is the day I least want it to be.

Dr. Bob just sat down and talked to me about my art. He wants to purchase the piece entitled “With a Match” but he wants me to get it framed before I sell it to him. He said he’ll pay for the framing because he wants to spend more than $100 on the purchase of a piece. I’m excited because he liked the one that got the least attention in my previous critiques. Granted the color was slightly different in the critique but the ideas were still the same and my fellow art students and professors didn’t pay much attention to it. I did show it on the same day as I showed my mother’s piece but still, they just complained about the color and didn’t say anything about the interaction between the figures. Dr. Bob loves the ambiguity of the interaction between the figures. One is lying with her back to us and the other is shown in a mirror with a light in her hand. The title gives away what the light is but without that knowledge the action and presence of the figure in the mirror is unknown. He told me about a book that deals with similar issues written by a local woman named Barbara Scott. I wrote it down so I could read it sometime if I want to remember it.

Last night I helped Amanda prepare for a phone interview with Disney today. She’s applied for two different internships with Disney and I’m a little jealous. I wish I’d thought to apply to something like that. I think it would be really fun, even if I did have to live on my own for six months in Florida. Six months in Florida would probably be the best thing I could do for myself if I had to go away somewhere, especially since its with Disneyworld. I wonder if she gets free access to all of the theme parks? I would love to do that. Maybe during the year off between classes and med school I’ll apply for an internship with Disney. That would be awesome and definitely something to look forward to. I’ve even considered having my honeymoon at Disneyworld and haven’t entirely ruled it out. My options right now that I’m thinking about (yes I know it’s a little premature since I don’t even have a boyfriend, much less a fiancée, but a girl can dream) are Disneyworld or some tropical coast in Costa Rica. I do love Disneyworld though. The last time I was there I was with my family and we watched the Main Street Electrical Parade then the fireworks over Magic Kingdom castle and I cried because it was so beautiful and magical. There’s something about Disney that makes everything perfect. They are the masters of detail. I watched a show about Disney weddings and they make everything as perfect as you could possibly want it. If you want something specific, they will make it happen. I don’t think they have the word impossible in their vocabulary. Think about it. The first time I was at Disneyworld we went on their safari ride and I really was convinced that there were poachers trying to shoot the animals. It wasn’t until the end of the ride when I was talking to my dad about it and he told me it was staged that I figured it out. Maybe I’m just gullible. Maybe I’m just more willing to believe in the magic of Disney but I still think it would make an excellent honeymoon destination.

Books: I finished The Wayward Muse last night. It was okay. I didn’t like the ending very much because it didn’t end romantically the way I wanted it to end but I did enjoy reading it. Probably I will not read it again but maybe I will. I’ll keep it around for awhile and see how I feel about it. For historical fiction, I did enjoy it but I feel like the characters, while based on real people, did not behave as I thought they should for the time period. The women seemed far too independent but maybe that’s a result of being involved with artists.

Easter

I didn’t do a whole lot yesterday. In fact, I sat and watched TV from about 5pm onwards. I watched Far and Away which stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and is directed by Ron Howard. I saw it once when I was younger and loved it. I acquired it on dvd during my last Christmas with Alex (not this past one but the one before that) during the White Elephant exchange they do at the Christmas party for his Mom’s side of the family. I finally watched it again last night and realized its not a very good movie overall, but I still really like it. It’s a classic period epic – the struggle of two Irish immigrants trying to get free land in America. Honestly, its pretty poorly acted at times as well, but both the stars are really young. In fact, I don’t even recognize Nicole Kidman half the time.

I was planning on working on Chemistry tonight so I can catch up on the chapters but now we have a project we have to work on that we’re going to do tonight. I’m really not pleased with this assignment, though I see the merit in it. We’re supposed to write a professional memo and submit it on Friday as if we were really working in a professional setting. What this has to do with chemistry: absolutely nothing. What this has to do with professional life: quite a bit. I see the value of learning to write a professional memo, especially since I haven’t written one since 7th grade computer science class but I dislike having my attention drawn away from chemistry. I need to catch up by reading chapter 16. I’m a bit behind on that but it occurred to me this morning that Wednesday is symposium day which means we have no classes during the day (I still have advanced art research) so I can use that time to catch up on my chemistry homework.

This week is Holy Week (Easter is on Sunday.) I love Holy Week. Its probably one of my favorite times of the church year. I love the Easter Vigil service, which is a night time service involving candlelight. I usually play the piano for it. There are seven readings, though we usually only do five and the whole service lasts two hours but there’s something almost magical about it. Everyone comes together to celebrate Christ’s sacrifice and the return of his light to the world after his descent to the dead. Its very peaceful and I probably look forward to it the most of all the church services of the liturgical year. Unfortunately, Mom didn’t schedule me to play this year because she wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing and scheduled Peg for the Vigil service and myself for the Easter morning service.

We never go to church on the actual holiday. We always go to the vigil service for Christmas and Easter so its going to be very strange going to the service for the actual day. I’m willing to do it though, because I’ve never done it before and I’m kind of curious about what goes on during those services. Mom was a little upset with herself about it but Peg called her saying, “Thank you so much, I’ve always wanted to do the vigil service,” so she felt like she couldn’t just take it away from her. In all actuality, I’m not that upset about it, especially since Peg is so excited about doing it. I don’t really mind not playing; I just mind having to miss my favorite service, so I’m going to go to both. Normally I try to avoid going to church twice in a weekend but I’m not willing to miss out on my favorite service. I’ll just be extra holy this Easter.

I’m really cold right now and I don’t know why. Actually, I suspect I do. I just did a conference with Kevin and there’s a guy here doing a graduate research project on Writing Centers so he interviewed me after the conference which made me really nervous and shaky and now my adrenaline levels are coming down and I’m freezing cold. I’m having a second cup of coffee because I hope it will warm me up. Its not working very well right now, probably because I’m typing and not holding my hands around the hot coffee.

There are only fifteen school days left and it feels like its going way too fast. I started a count down calendar on my dry erase board with thirty or so days on it and now there are only fifteen. I can’t believe its going by so quickly. Lori and I both think this semester, in fact this whole school year, has gone by too quickly. She’s anticipating her wedding in July and is really nervous about it. I’m anticipating moving back home and getting my life on the right track. I’m still having doubts about med school but I’m going to pretend I’m not and keep forging ahead regardless of how I feel. Hopefully I’ll either find something I know for sure I want to do in the future or end up as a stay-at-home wife and mother. Funny, I just thought about this. There’s a joke that women go to college to get the MRS degree. I’m going to med school to get my MRS degree. I think it’s funny. I guess I’ve never done things the easy way.

I’ve been thinking about people who start things and don’t finish them. I started my Public Relations degree and didn’t finish it. I’m finishing my Art degree but not doing anything with it. I’m going to med school but will I finish? I don’t know if I have the drive and the dedication. What am I saying?! I just got done telling myself to do it anyway. Forget the doubts. Pretend they don’t exist. I’m going to med school and I’m going to be a doctor – what kind I’m not sure yet – and I’m going to find a husband and we’re going to get married and I’m going to complete my call in life to be a mother, with or without the husband. There’s always adoption.

Books: I finished a Barbara Cartland romance The Dragon and the Pearl. I’m hoping that she gets better about writing the dialogue for the main women characters. There were fewer elipses (…) in the middle of the heroine’s sentences this time around and since I’m reading them in order, hopefully some editor told her to get rid of them and she’s working them out of the dialogue. It makes the heroines (even the strong ones) seem breathy and helpless and ridiculous. No one wants to read a sentence in which every two words is separated by a breath. Its annoying but I keep reading her because the stories are so romantic and ridiculous. She does have great settings, though. This one was in China during the Boxer rebellion. Supposedly, she also fairly historically accurate. It makes me want to know more about British history.

Moving home with confidence

My senior show opened on Friday and it went really well. I was really scared I wouldn’t get it done in time but I actually had plenty of time. I did slack on chemistry though, so now I’ve got to play catch-up. The show is still in the gallery right now and will be for all of this week. I’m freaking out a little because there are only 16 school days left and that seems like not nearly enough. I am relieved to not have to worry about Art anymore (except for Color class).

I’m still nervous about moving home, but less so since I’ve been trying to take charge of my room and arrange it the way I want it. I’ve got so much stuff that needs to fit in my room that some of it just isn’t going to work out very well. I completely forgot that I’ve an entire dresser that needs to fit in there. I’ve been operating on the assumption that I will have plenty of space but now that I’ve realized this dresser needs to fit in there as well, I might have to get rid of some things. I have to have the dresser. I need a place to put my clothes and the shelf system I have right now does not work for that purpose. I’ve got way too many clothes for that system. Probably I’m going to have to get rid of the coffee table I have which doesn’t really serve a purpose except as a surface to put things on (which Adam would say needs to be gotten rid of anyway to avoid clutter).

I’m also trying to figure out what to do with all my posters. Putting them on the walls would be interesting to look at but it would make the room feel claustrophobic, I think. I’ve got so many of them that it seems to me they would take up far too much space. You wouldn’t be able to see the pepto-bismal pink of my room.

I’m working on cleaning out the closet in my room. For the past few years its been used as storage space for whatever junk we didn’t want to see anymore plus all of the suitcases we’ve acquired. I’ve made Mom move them all out and now I’m going through all of the papers and junk piled in there. I need more tubs because I like keeping my old school stuff but I might just have to toss it all. Its very unlikely that I will ever need any of it again but highly likely that it will take up space that could be used for other things. What things, I’m not exactly sure, though I do know that I’m out of shelf space almost completely. I need a lot more shelf space for all of the books that I want to keep in my room. I was even brutal on a lot of them and put them in the half-price books pile but I have enough that I want to keep and plan to acquire more that more shelf space is a necessity.

Easter is this weekend and I’m planning on doing a lot of rearranging of my room while I’m home. There’s a lot of junk in my room that is completely unnecessary or even just poorly organized so there’s not a lot of free space. Hopefully this coming weekend I can rearrange and toss a lot of stuff so that when I move home after graduation, the moving in process will be simplified and have a direction.

Amanda and I got fitted for our bridesmaid dresses yesterday. Lori is going with red as her wedding color even though it is one of her least favorite colors because it matches the lining of Josh’s (her fiancée) uniform. He’s a marine and he’s going to wear his uniform to get married in. As a result, all of the bridesmaid dresses are red with white underskirt and sash. Lori’s dress is white with red trim. I think its going to look great even if she doesn’t like red the best. Fortunately, its not an obnoxious red but a darker red. Its less offensively bright then. I’m excited for her wedding. Now that I’ve found a job for the summer that’s going to be flexible in terms of dates, I’m excited for this summer in general.

Crap! I just remembered that I need to confirm my registration at the University of Iowa so I can register for classes. I keep forgetting to do that. I’ve also never heard back from that one guy about a possible Master’s program for med school prep. I’ve temporarily given up on him. I’ll call about my non-degree seeking student registration then I’ll call him about Masters program possibilities. I’ve decided that the University of Iowa is like a foreign country. If you don’t speak the language, you’re not going to get by very well. I’m determined to learn the “language” of bureaucracy they seem to be using because I will not be pushed aside, even if I’m less than sure of what I’m doing. Confidence is the key to accomplishing anything in life. A little confidence can get you pretty far, even if you don’t actually feel as confident as you seem.

Books: I read Eldest by Christopher Paolini. This is the second book in the series, the first being Eragon. Its not a very unique plot line because a lot of it is predictable but it is enjoyable and I’m looking forward to reading the third in the series. Unfortunately, Hillary doesn’t own it (yet) and I’ll probably have to go on a waiting list in order to get it from the library. This also puts a kink in my book system because I’ll have to read it when I get it from the library and not in the order its supposed to be in. I’ve also finished a book called A Thousand Words for Stranger which was a book I picked up from Barnes and Noble one time when trying to find ways to spend my gift certificates. It was sci-fi and entertaining but not a favorite. I did enjoy it and if I get the chance to read the next two books, I probably will but overall it was just okay.