My Show

I'm getting ready for my senior show by printing my stuff. I spent all of last night worried about it and only got about 5 hours of sleep. This sucks. I have to cut my pieces by hand because they printer paper is too big and we don't have any smaller rolls. Its going to take me forever. I'm going to go nuts.

Shame on me - I'm skipping Chemistry today. I didn't do the homework and I'm freaking out about getting my show done so I can miss one day of chemistry. I haven't missed any days so far. One day is not going to hurt. Hopefully I don't miss anything important. I doubt I will. Most of my learning is done on my own or by asking him questions outside of class. 

I'm worried about cutting my prints. They are so big. I don't know if I can get them cut decently straight if I do it by hand. Lucy said to be sure I used a clean surface, a straight edge, and an exacto knife. The last two aren't a problem but finding a clean surface in Dows? Good luck. Every surface has paint, charcoal, ink, or graphite on it somewhere. How am I going to find a clean surface big enough to handle my prints? I'm stumped. Actually I'm not, I have a plan. I'm going to go up to the middle room and clear off a table and put new brown paper down and do it there. Hopefully Lucy doesn't need it for her photography class at 10 am. My hope is to be done cutting by noon so I can go to choir but I'm not sure that will happen. Hopefully I'll be close enough that I can feel comfortable not being done and still have plenty of time to hand things. It would help if I don't have to constrain my time to 3-5 Monday through Thursday because I have class til 4 every day except Wednesday (which goes til 6). Three hours might not be enough time to hang my show. Peter will let me out of color class this afternoon at three, probably but tomorrow and Thursday is my film class and I can't just leave in the middle of a movie. Maybe Mariah (the gallery director) will be flexible and let me in after 5pm. That's really my only option for getting this show hung in time. My hope is to have it hung today and Tuesday so that by Wednesday I can just worry about lighting, if that even needs worrying about.

The scentsy order from last Sunday's party was put in last night and Abby says it will probably be here by next week. I'm hoping that after this weekend I will feel much better in regards to my stress level. I should. I'll only have Chemistry, Film and Color class to worry about and Color isn't hard. The only one I'll have to do a lot of work for still is chemistry and without my show hanging over my head, I should be able to catch back up on what I know I'm going to fall behind in this week. I'm actually nervous for my show, that people will think its dumb and not really art or something like that. I need to get an energy drink or I'm never going to make it through today. I should probably buy several (Rockstar Juiced + Guava (the purple kind) is my favorite). I don't think I'll be getting much sleep this week at all. I had Mom send some melatonin to work with Dad so I can get it and use it this week. I don't want to be exhausted by Friday because I want to be alert and happy for the opening. I think a lot of my family is coming and I like that. I want lots of people to come. 

I'm still pissed at ASA for scheduling fall retreat for at the same time. 

I'm printing the last one! Then I can start cutting! Hopefully I have enough time. I'm crossing my fingers. It would be a huge load off my mind if I could get everything done today. By everything I mean cut and organized for how I want it on the walls. I'm not so ambitious I think I can get it printed and hung in two days. Besides, I'm thinking about the layout I want on the walls. I know I want Mom's piece on the short wall, but how to organize Hillary's images are another matter. I'm thinking about a non=traditional arrangement because I think it would be more interesting but I need to decide on what order and what specific arrangement. I probably won't know til I get in the gallery and start laying things out. I wonder if I can leave stuff in the gallery and will it be safe? I would assume so because they have installation pieces that must take several days to set up. Leaving my prints on the floor should be safe to do. I hope so because otherwise I'm going to be very frustrated.

busy.

Busy, busy, busy, is what I’ve been all week but I also feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. I have not fallen too far behind in chemistry, I am all caught up in my film class, I went to Advanced Art this week (I missed it last week) and I’ve gotten a good handle on my senior show.

I went to Potter’s yesterday with Lori and finished painting the two pieces that Mom had commissioned. One was a mug that said “Randi” because Mom’s co-worker Randi is always taking her mug and using it so Mom thought it would be nice to get one for her. I made it blue and white striped with yellow stars and letters. The other commission was a plate for Sherri because Sherri put in her two weeks notice at the daycare and she’s one of Mom’s best friends. There are no hard feelings about her leaving because she got offered a full-time position at the vet’s office which includes benefits, something she doesn’t get working at Nana’s daycare. So Mom asked me to make her a plate that says, “Laughter adds years to your life, enjoy each and every day.” I made it all in purple with green and yellow accents because purple is her favorite color.

I’m probably going to have to quit Potter’s when I graduate. I talked to Michelle (my boss) yesterday and she said she wasn’t going to have a lot of hours for over the summer and its not really practical for me to work there when I’m also working and going to school in Iowa City. It will free up my weekends which is good and bad. With the job at Pearson as a professional scorer, I can work days or evenings. Days pays more so I’m going to try and get the scoring jobs during the day. Hopefully I’ll be able to do evenings when I’m in school over the next school year so I can still have a steady income even while learning. I’m thinking I’ll tell Michelle that I can be available when no one else can work on a weekend but to not schedule me regularly. So it will be like a substitute sort of thing. That way I’ll still be on staff there and helping out but I won’t be cutting into the other girls’ hours.

I’m still worried about life after graduation. Its like my life has been one specific journey so far. I knew that I would go to school, then college. I knew that was the plan but the plan for after college? That’s all up to me and really, I’m not sure if I still want to be a doctor. Maybe I do want to do something in health services but what if its being a nurse? What if its being an administrator? What if its doing research? I don’t really have a clue what my options are. I could be going down this path of becoming a doctor just because I don’t really know what any of my other options are.

Movies, Chemistry, Art

Last night I did nothing but watch tv for five hours and it felt really good. I watched an hour of CSI: New York then we watched Vicky Christina Barcelona, which was really good. It’s a Woody Allen film and from what I’ve seen of his stuff, I really like it. Ironically, he has another movie, Scoop, which also stars Scarlett Johansen. Apparently, as I’m looking at imdb.com he also wrote and directed the movie Match Point which she is also in and was nominated for a best actress award for. The movie is not your typical movie, but no Woody Allen film ever is, or so I’m told. There was a narrator which was very interesting to have because a lot of what was said was implied but Ashley commented, “It’s kind of like reading a book,” which made me think of my film class and how we’re studying the French New Wave and one of the aspects of that theory is that every director is like an author of his film, creating in an audiovisual language. I’m trying to think of a way I can bring this up in class tomorrow but maybe I’ll just hold it inside and ponder it, instead.

The other movie we watched was Rachel Getting Married, which stars Anne Hathaway. It was not as enjoyable as Vicky Christina Barcelona because it was much more depressing. Its about this girl, Kim, who’s sister Rachel is getting married so she comes home from Rehab to be with the family but they all have a thing against her because she “killed” their little brother by being stoned out of her mind and driving off a bridge. The problems were kind of resolved in the end, but in a very vague and tenuous way, so it didn’t have the typical Hollywood ending. That in itself was enjoyable but I wanted more to go with in the end but there wasn’t much offered.

I didn’t get my chemistry homework done yesterday, though not from lack of trying. I have tried three similar problems and I thought I knew exactly how to do them and I did them and they don’t work. I know what answers I’m supposed to get but I don’t seem to be getting them. I can’t get the math to work out right, though I know the theory behind it. I know exactly how to set them up (I think) and I know how to solve them (I think) but putting it into practice is another matter entirely. I really hope I don’t start to cry in chemistry class today. (I know, you’re thinking, cry? Really? But yes, I will cry if I get too frustrated with this.) Its not that I’m giving up on it and its not that I don’t think I can do it. The problem is just that I cry when I’m frustrated. It irritates me that I’m given a task to do without being given an example to work from. I’m not good with the whole figure it out yourself thing when it comes to math problems. I’m sure I’m just doing some small math thing that’s throwing my answers off but I can’t see what it could be and I need someone to look at it and say, “Oh, you forgot to multiply through by five,” or something silly like that and I’ll smack myself and say, “Oh, I feel so stupid, thanks for pointing that out, now I can get the right answer,” and everything will work out fine and in future problems I’ll remember the step I missed and be able to not miss it again. But I can’t do that if no one can tell me what I’m doing wrong. Even worse, there is a help session scheduled today at 4pm and I can’t go because I have class. The one time I would actually go to a help session for something and he schedules it during a time when I have class.

I do have other options. I’m going to talk to him after class about it and hopefully he’ll be able to look at it and tell me what I’m doing wrong but knowing him, he’ll probably say something obscure and abstract and leave me to wonder if I’m doing it right or not still, instead of helping me.

I got Mom’s address book from Dad this morning and I’m going to address my postcards this afternoon. Hopefully I can get them all done so I can mail them today as well. I’m so nervous for my show. I have less than two weeks and I’m freaking out because I still feel like I’m wandering in the dark with my hands outstretched hoping I don’t run into anything big, sharp, and dangerous. So far, so good, but who knows how time will work between now and then. I still haven’t asked Charlie about helping me print but I can ask him today in Advanced Art Research. Hopefully he will be able to help me so I can get things hung and organized in a way that will make them look good without being too terribly time consuming. I’m not going to have a lot of time next week either and I’ve got to rewrite my artist’s statement, write a price list, and figure out where exactly my pictures will be hanging.

Art Show, Med programs

My goal for yesterday was to get all of my homework done so I could have nothing to do tonight. I got very close. Technically, I still have work to do on my pointillist painting but I’m tired of making dots and from far away it looks like the whole thing is dots instead of layers of solid color with dots on top. I don’t know what I’m going to do with tonight but I know I don’t want to have anything to do. On that note, I have chemistry to do before I will be in the clear but that won’t take me very long and then I’ll have the whole evening free.

Probably there’s things I can do for my show next weekend but I don’t want to do anything tonight and I don’t have anything pressing that needs doing so I’m going to put everything off for a day. The funny thing is that I feel more relaxed after this past weekend than I did over the entire spring break. I have no idea why, because it was more stuff in less time but I feel better and more in control than I did last week. Maybe it’s because a week was too long to be away from stuff and doing things. Maybe it’s because I got a lot accomplished and decided not to include the self-portraits in the show. Maybe it’s a combination of a lot of things. Who knows?

I accomplished a lot yesterday and I don’t even feel bad for going to bed without finishing my film reading. I finished it this morning with plenty of time. This is a drive I could probably keep going with for the rest of the week if I so chose. The secret, I think, is to not give yourself time to think, just to create a plan and put it into action, ignoring the other options. I could have skipped my writing center meeting yesterday but I went because it was in the plan to go. I could have not done my pointillist painting last night but I did it for two hours and then went and did my film class reading. The trick is to avoid tv and reading. If I can keep myself from sitting in front of the tv and keep myself from picking up my book, I’ll be golden. Plus, I’ll be rewarding myself tonight for my good behavior. I can read and watch tv and I’ll probably stay up later than I need to but it will be relaxing and enjoyable.

Probably I should call Mom and get addresses for my postcards so I can send them to family but she gives piano lessons tonight and probably won’t have time to give me addresses. I have Nana’s, Aunt Nettie’s, and Grandma Duck’s addresses so I could get those sent as soon as I write them out but there’s all the rest of the immediate family and I’ve no idea what their addresses are. I should have Mom send her address book to work with Dad so she doesn’t have to do it over the phone. Maybe she’ll have some time after lessons and I can get them mailed tomorrow.

I’m worried about printing my show. I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m probably going to mess things up a lot. I need to talk to Charlie about printing, as much as he irritates me. He probably knows the most about printing because he’s been working on a project regarding printing techniques. Unfortunately, he will then pick up on the fact that I don’t care about art nearly as much as he does. Honestly, I’ll probably never do anything like this again in my life but I’m doing it now because I have to in order to graduate. Charlie is so passionate about his art that it overwhelms me. Plus, he plays his music really loud in the Dows computer lab when I’m working that I can’t hear my own music and that really annoys me, too. I’ll have to suck it up though, and get working on printing. I’ll see if Charlie can help me print on Sunday evening, or Monday evening. Maybe he’ll be able to help me.

I had a meeting with Dr. Leonardo, the biology professor and pre-med advisor. He told me that some med schools have programs that cater to people like me, who decided to go to med school late and need the requirements before they can apply to med school or take the MCATs. He gave me a contact and I emailed him yesterday but he hasn’t emailed me back yet. I hope its not too late to apply for in the fall. Otherwise it will be wasted effort because I’m not going to wait to take the MCATs just because I didn’t get the information I needed soon enough. I’m already going to have a year between next year and med school. I don’t want to have to wait a year longer. If there is a program at Iowa for this, then I could get a Masters degree out of it, which is always advantageous. My other option is to go to Kaplan University and see if they have the classes I need. Maybe they will have a genetics class I can take this summer. Dr. Leonardo told me I should take genetics in order to be prepared for the MCATs. I’m glad he told me because I wouldn’t have even known to take it. I also wouldn’t have known about the Masters program options.

I’m glad there are nice people in the world.

Living at Home

This weekend was really busy. Friday I got to relax and watched a movie and finished a book. Saturday I worked at Dad’s shop, worked at Potters, went shopping for a dress for formal, went to church got ready for Heather Mann’s party, went to Heather Mann’s party, went to the Presidential Ball, then went to bed. Yesterday I got up, cleaned the apartment, made frog’s eyes, and had our scentsy party then did homework, went to an ASA meeting and watched desperate housewives.

Hectic.

My postcards still aren’t done. They were supposed to be done on Friday and I went to pick them up and they looked like crap because they didn’t center the image on the paper so some of the edges were a lot smaller or nonexistent for the white border around the main image. Fortunately, the guy was really nice about it and in fact said, “These look like ass,” which made me smile and helped me not to cry because they weren’t done. He said they’d redo them and I’m going to (cross my fingers) pick them up this afternoon.

I'm kind of scared to graduate. I’ve gotten used to the college life and now its going to change again. Living at home is going to be very different. I’m used to having things a certain way and when they’re not that way, I’m going to be frustrated. I realized this when I was home for spring break. I find it really difficult to stick to my routine when I’m at home because they don’t do things the way that I do them. Plus, I won’t have personal access to the tv. I’ll have to share it a lot more than I usually do. Also, I’m spoiled at home because there’s a guide and I can find shows I want to watch even if they are on commercial at the time. At Coe, if its on a commercial I skip it and so I get to bed much earlier because I don’t see that the shows I’d like to watch are actually on. I know this is a minor detail but its just one of the many things that I’m going to have to get used to. I want to try and convince Mom and Dad to let me get cable in my room. I need to make it my own personal adult space and a tv with cable would be really helpful. I’ve lost the refrigerator argument which I’m okay with because it generates a lot of heat during the summer and that would make my room too hot. I will not give up my tv, though.

I’m scared to move home, too, because I’m really bad at doing homework there. Of course, I’m really bad at doing homework here, too, but less bad than when I’m at home. Here I have space to spread out and do stuff. At home I’ll have to first work at finding a clear space to do my homework.

I’m just complaining for the sake of complaining. Everything will work out fine. I know because I did live there for 18 years before coming to Coe and I’ll probably be there for at least 4 more. *sigh* I wish it wasn’t so. I’m a much more fastidious person than I used to be. I keep my stuff fairly organized. Stuff is much less organized at my house. I’m not complaining by any means and I know that both Mom and Dad are gone at work all day and come home and don’t want to clean up. I’m just saying that when I live there, if I have free time during the day, I’m going to be cleaning house and picking up and organizing things and keeping the mess down. The biggest problem is that if you don’t stay on top of housework, it piles up very quickly. Mostly I’m talking about the kitchen but also the paper clutter piles all over the kitchen table and the island. They will be organized and put where they need to go when I’m living there.

I’m taking home a tub of stuff a weekend from now until the end of the school year. Hopefully this will help for when I move out at the end. I will have less stuff to pack up and take home because I will have taken much of it home already. So far I think I’m doing pretty good. I’ve got a lot of stuff here that I don’t use or haven’t used in a long time and don’t foresee myself using any time between now and the end of the school year and if I do need it, I’ll find another way. I’ve taken two tubs full home already. I’m working on filling a third tub. My plan is to throw stuff in the tub over the week then when I go home, take the whole thing and unpack it when I’m there so I can bring it back and start over again. I like it because it will mean less work in the long run for me and my family when they help me move out of here. The biggest issue is that I still have so much stuff here. I’ve been living here for almost a year. I moved in last May and I’ll move out this May. A year is a long time to accumulate stuff, especially when you have a whole apartment to spread out in. Now it all has to fit into my room at home (which is not going to accommodate all of it by any means.)

Books: I finished two books over the weekend. Reserved for the Cat by Mercedes Lackey is the first book I finished (Friday evening.) It’s a part of a series of books called the Elemental Masters series that I really enjoy. Each book is loosely based on a fairy tale. This one was based on Puss in Boots. It was alright. I liked it because the main character was a ballerina. I gave it to Hillary because I thought she would like it too. The second book I finished was Undead and Unpopular by Mary Janice Davidson. This is another book in a series I’ve been reading. They are really funny, light reads. I’ve read this one before by accident because I picked it up on cd and listened to it without realizing that it was not the first book in the series. My one issue with this series is that things happen between books that they talk about in the book and make me think that I missed a book somewhere. They aren’t numbered for series order so I get very confused when they talk about some people that I’ve never met before as though I should remember them from a previous book. Minor detail to complain about, though, because the rest of the book is usually very entertaining.