Stress, still?

I am so stressed out. On Wednesday I didn’t go to any of my classes after chemistry because Prof. Singleton freaked me out by saying the stuff we read about chapter 14 was fair game for the test and I didn’t fully understand it yet. My brain was still going round in circles from Tuesday night trying to sleep and having all of those things going on in my head so I just left campus and didn’t come back for a few hours.

I went to my brother’s choir concert at noon and then studied at Barnes and Noble for a few hours before deciding to come back and work on my postcards for my show and my artist’s statement.

The postcards are a nightmare. I brought a paper copy to Fedex Kinko’s yesterday and they said, “Well, where’s your digital copy?” No one told me I needed a digital copy to give to them. Well, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, to borrow a saying, and I started sobbing and couldn’t stop for about 15 minutes. It doesn’t sound like a very long time but 15 minutes of sobbing is a long time. It takes a lot of energy to sob and I didn’t really have a lot of energy. When I was done I ended up with a killer headache. I made it back to Coe and into my room and managed to email a copy to Fedex Kinko’s and thought that I was in the clear. I was wrong. I didn’t bother to check my email after that but apparently the email was too big with all of the attachments and it didn’t go through but I didn’t find that out until this morning when I checked my email again.

So, now my stress level is right back to where it was before I got the postcard situation sort of under control. Its right back to being out of control and its driving me nuts. I can’t stand it. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to have to deal with this right now. I need help. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of being in control and pretending I know what I’m doing. I can’t handle this. It needs to go away. I’m trying to think of something I can get rid of in my life but there’s really nothing I can get rid of. I’m already at bare-bones. I haven’t been to an ASA thing in quite some time. I don’t do Art Club any more. What else is there to drop that isn’t necessary for some reason.

I went to Bible Study last night. I missed those girls. I love my bible study. They are such wonderful women and I am so glad that Trish emailed me and asked me to join. It was exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t go last week because it was spring break and Thursday was the only night that mom and dad had free to take to out to dinner. I think that its really important for my prayer life that I go to bible study. I tend to fall off the prayer bandwagon if I don’t get regular inspiration. I’m the youngest of the group (22) and the rest of them are in their upper 20’s to early 30’s, and married, and all but Trish have children. Still, I don’t think I would be as interested in a group closer to my age because they wouldn’t be as comfortable talking about their faith. Besides, I know very few Catholic women my age who are interested in sharing and developing their faith. So, being in this group is a good thing and I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

I’m looking forward to this evening. I work at Potter’s Obsession from 4-8 and then I’m doing nothing but relaxing this evening. I have nothing hanging over my head that I can take care of on a Friday night. I can relax and watch a movie. Hopefully it will be enough to get rid of some of the stress of this week. When I worked at Vanity it was right next to City Look Salon and Spa and they have massages. I’m seriously tempted to schedule a de-stressing massage. Its $35 for a half hour distressing massage and I think it would be totally worth it. I might save it for after my show, though, so I can get rid of a lot of it at once. Once my show is done, my stress level will probably be cut in half. I can relax and focus on chemistry and studying for my two finals I will have. I can also focus on getting registered for classes in the fall for at Iowa.

Prof. Leonardo saw me in the hall and stopped me, saying I should come in and talk to him because I have options I didn’t even know I had available for further schooling. He mentioned something about a Masters in Medical Assisting? That could be really interesting. I sent him an email so we can find a time to get together and chat about it sometime next week. I’m kind of excited about it, now. I’m glad he stopped me and I’m really flattered that he remembered what I wanted to do. I took Cell and Molec bio with him my first semester of my freshman year and haven’t had a class with him since but he’s remembered me ever since then and I think that’s really cool. It makes me feel really special.